Will you stand up for her?
In a distant island, a woman refused to obey their order to get undressed. So they ordered her to choose between rape and death. She Chooses death. So they started to torture her, cutting off her breasts one at a time with a knife, then her ears, and completely cut open her belly. After a time – she got what she choose – “Death”.
A head is full of emotions, scraps of random stuffs pushed chaotically into an overloaded cranial pocket. Many memories are intensely personal. But others are about being somewhere, when someone else did something terrible, something unforgettable.
Some people just need the warning. They just need to know what is ahead. When you’re driving and there is a windy road ahead, you’ll see a sign alongside the road a few hundred feet before to warn you. If for whatever reason, your car can’t handle it, you might choose a different route. But if you do choose to take that route, you know to slow down and proceed with caution.
Might Sound great for a cautious drive, but to imagine leading a life only foreseeing fear, harassment and other areas where one can get exploited, Is there a respite or a time for a small breather?
Intent of writing this, is to explore areas where I find there are a lot of pain points.
There is a bit of HER in everyone, and when a victim is raped – it is the entire family which suffers and the perpetrator we are talking about – gets away with it in most of the cases. I don’t want to drag in a few stats – we all know it.
A way forward solution to bringing a solution which I feel might work, is through a paradigm shift of ideas – especially when we hear the words such as sexual harassment, child abuse, domestic violence, relationship abuse – we immediately think of it all as a “Women issue”. Like a chip inserted in the head, the neural pathways take our attention to the other direction when we hear the word “women’s issue”.
These are absolutely not women’s issues, these are men’s issue.
Those claiming it the other way are psychologically wired from their young age to see all these as something bad and any woman subject to such has lost her “honor”. Thanks to the social media, at least now the concept is taking a transition. The whole concept begins at the point when we start the victim blaming, especially with respect to their attire, their body language, their looks.
“She wanted it, if she is wearing an inviting dress” – it only begins here. There is a lot of other things which a women does, and the society slams it as she’s “asking for it”.
“Women can never be careful enough, can they? If they take pictures of themselves, they are asking for it. If someone hacks into their account, they are asking for it. If someone is not carrying an anti – rape pepper spray, they are asking for it. If they don’t self-defense classes, they are asking for it. If they get drunk, they are asking for it. If their skirt is too low, they are asking for it. If they pass out at a party, they are asking for it. If they are not hyper – vigilant, they are asking for it. I believe, the perception is – with their very existence, they are asking for it”.
Why on Earth will anyone voluntarily invite anyone to do horrible things?
Asking anyone to be safe, is not the way forward. Strategically speaking, it might save them for the day – but the animal is still out there. Instead a whole new cognitive structures is to be blamed. Even if the justice by law gets stricter, it only tries to provide a solution after anything has happened – to curb it all in the beginning, there is a definite need for a transformational shift.
The Cause for any of these issues is not only due to individual perpetrators – that’s a naïve way of understanding what is deeper and a bigger systematic social problem.
With our actions - we convey a lot to the younger generation who are watching us. We owe to the younger generation to teach them the moral responsibility – in fact they have not made the choice to grow up in an environment with a climate so hostile, which to you can be as simple as saying MEN are MEN who will merely watch WOMEN do the household Chores.
You may think it is simply inside your house – but it has a larger impact. The younger generation didn’t make a choice to learn it. Young minds get traumatized by adult men’s action and violence.
This Chauvinism will not cease how much ever we, as those viewing these horrible things we see, hear, read, urge anyone to change or see Women as their sisters or whatever crap. It will only change when every individual starts respecting another fellow human.
To tackle all this, we need a lot of leaders – amongst common people. A leader is anyone who stands up, even in a group of guys where there is no women – and someone makes a quirky sexist comment, there must be people who have a lot of guts, courage to stand up and say that was not funny. This is the peer culture climate which is necessary – to make the abusive behavior to be seen as something unacceptable. Many are not comfortable and call these as sensitive issues or rather personal issues, but it is a clear leadership issue for not being able to stand for what’s correct.
Caring is just not enough – guts, courage and strength with moral complexity to break this complacent silence and challenge each other and stand with women, for women and not against them.
Men and women together – must ensure that the change begins and the transformation which happens will help the future generation so that they don’t have to deal with all these tragedies.
If we can imagine it, we can do better.