Conscious awareness can help you against manipulation
On an usual Tuesday afternoon with the heat getting just about too hot to handle, already fighting the mid week blues - I was looking at two people having a conversation.
The first guy wants to use the second guy's bike to take his girl friend and kept repeating the cliched words, "Macha, nee dhan da ennoda friendu, na vera yaar kitta kepen" (Dude, you're my friend, whom else can I ask?)
He ended up giving the bike and quickly threw an expression questioning himself if he was manipulated.
So, how often have you and me been in that stage?
Am I being manipulated?
Does your kind and compassionate heart, your generosity ever leave you feeling like a sucker, and you've to take too much of a deep breath and resist the elevated pulse to say a no?
I am talking about feeling manipulated or used in your life by others. Do you over-give and over-accommodate in your relationships? Are you drawn to people who have high expectations of what you should be doing to them (and you go along?) If any of that sounds familiar, let’s talk about why that might be and how you can change those patterns of behaviour.
The first thing you need is awareness. People who grew up in homes where they are shown "carrot and stick" methodology to seek for positive approvals from everyone around can be particularly vulnerable as an adult to being manipulated.
This includes those of us who are empaths, as we are much dialed into other people’s feelings and needs. Being aware of your background and how it impacts the kinds of people you attract is important. People who are manipulative are very good at spotting the kind of people they can manipulate to their advantage. Another key thing is realizing the difference between being needed and being taken advantage of. Do you consider yourself a helper, do you like being needed and helping people?
There is a big difference between being truly valued, desired, and needed and being USED.
We have all had relationships in our lives with people who have taken advantage of our kindness or who have seen it as a weakness to exploit. These are people who will continually try to get you to do something that benefits them, even if it is not in your best interest.
So how do we identify those people? Just jotting down four kind of behaviour patterns I have experienced myself from people around.
1. Crane Category.
Be aware of people you have just met who are being OVER complimentary or flattering. Be mindful of any pattern someone using flattering to “butter you up” before asking you for something.
2. Sympathy seekers
Keep in mind that manipulative people have an ability to know what buttons to push to get you to do what they want. If you identify this kind of relationship in your life, don’t fall into a default position of blaming yourself, rather try to observe and not make it personal. That will allow you to make a more objective decision about what value this person adds to your life.
3. Consciously unaware - Reflection of you.
Come on - This is a must to have category. Not everyone whom you think as manipulative, are so. Sometimes life is a reflection of you. Think through deeply!
Certain people are consciously unaware of their behaviour. There is a technique where you mirror their unreasonable request or selfishness back to them. Repeat their request back to them starting with “So you are asking me to….” Be firm and ask them if they think their request sounds fair. This will also make it clear whether this a request, or whether they are just expecting you to do whatever they say.
4. Urgency fakers.
You have to resist being manipulated. Manipulators can often make you feel totally engulfed and overwhelmed by what THEY want. Resist allowing anyone to make you feel like you MUST do what they want right now. Manipulative people know how to use urgency as a way of forcing you to do what they want.
So, what are the other behaviour patterns you've experienced?
The first guy wants to use the second guy's bike to take his girl friend and kept repeating the cliched words, "Macha, nee dhan da ennoda friendu, na vera yaar kitta kepen" (Dude, you're my friend, whom else can I ask?)
He ended up giving the bike and quickly threw an expression questioning himself if he was manipulated.
So, how often have you and me been in that stage?
Am I being manipulated?
Does your kind and compassionate heart, your generosity ever leave you feeling like a sucker, and you've to take too much of a deep breath and resist the elevated pulse to say a no?
I am talking about feeling manipulated or used in your life by others. Do you over-give and over-accommodate in your relationships? Are you drawn to people who have high expectations of what you should be doing to them (and you go along?) If any of that sounds familiar, let’s talk about why that might be and how you can change those patterns of behaviour.
The first thing you need is awareness. People who grew up in homes where they are shown "carrot and stick" methodology to seek for positive approvals from everyone around can be particularly vulnerable as an adult to being manipulated.
This includes those of us who are empaths, as we are much dialed into other people’s feelings and needs. Being aware of your background and how it impacts the kinds of people you attract is important. People who are manipulative are very good at spotting the kind of people they can manipulate to their advantage. Another key thing is realizing the difference between being needed and being taken advantage of. Do you consider yourself a helper, do you like being needed and helping people?
There is a big difference between being truly valued, desired, and needed and being USED.
We have all had relationships in our lives with people who have taken advantage of our kindness or who have seen it as a weakness to exploit. These are people who will continually try to get you to do something that benefits them, even if it is not in your best interest.
So how do we identify those people? Just jotting down four kind of behaviour patterns I have experienced myself from people around.
1. Crane Category.
Be aware of people you have just met who are being OVER complimentary or flattering. Be mindful of any pattern someone using flattering to “butter you up” before asking you for something.
2. Sympathy seekers
Keep in mind that manipulative people have an ability to know what buttons to push to get you to do what they want. If you identify this kind of relationship in your life, don’t fall into a default position of blaming yourself, rather try to observe and not make it personal. That will allow you to make a more objective decision about what value this person adds to your life.
3. Consciously unaware - Reflection of you.
Come on - This is a must to have category. Not everyone whom you think as manipulative, are so. Sometimes life is a reflection of you. Think through deeply!
Certain people are consciously unaware of their behaviour. There is a technique where you mirror their unreasonable request or selfishness back to them. Repeat their request back to them starting with “So you are asking me to….” Be firm and ask them if they think their request sounds fair. This will also make it clear whether this a request, or whether they are just expecting you to do whatever they say.
4. Urgency fakers.
You have to resist being manipulated. Manipulators can often make you feel totally engulfed and overwhelmed by what THEY want. Resist allowing anyone to make you feel like you MUST do what they want right now. Manipulative people know how to use urgency as a way of forcing you to do what they want.
So, what are the other behaviour patterns you've experienced?
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